Losing it (in more than one way!)

Well as the title suggests, I am losing many things these days, but most of all seems to be my mind. I used to pride myself on being anally organized and made lists and lists about my lists, etc. I had everything laid out and planned out and it ran smoothly and like a well oiled machine. My house would be spotless and everything would be done and I'd still have time for fun. Now somewhere in the course of the last two years I have lost this balance in my life, and I so dearly miss it. I know adding kids adds chaos and a little unorganization, but I feel like no matter how oraganized my lists are these days, nothing gets done. I don't sit down all day, and I feel busy all day, but at the end of the day I can't think of anything I accomplished! How can that be? I have stacks sitting around, I'm behind I bills, paperwork for daycare, laundry, cleaning. I have junk coming out my ears and I think our house may burst from being overloaded. Though my house is still considerably cleaner than the average person, it is disgustingly below par for me and I feel very unsettled when I am at home. I can't play with my kids or have fun with Tony because I am constantly seeing things that need to be taken care of.

The next thing I am losing is time. Time is passing me by and it scares me. I feel like I am missing out on my kids lives, yet I spend 24 hours a day with them. It makes me so so so sad to think of them growing up and leaving me, because they are my very best friends, I can't imagine not having them to cuddle with anytime I want. (This is partly why I am not good about putting them in their own beds at night. I miss them and someday I can't cuddle with them like that.)

Also, there is never enough time in the day to get done what I need to. I always feel like I have wasted a day, and that makes me feel miserable because there is not enough time in our lives to be wasting them like that. I want everyday to count for something and I am tired of feeling like I am wasting them away.

The last and more positive thing I am losing (hopefully) is weight. Slowly but surely the pounds have started to drop. I officially started my weight watchers point counter last Thursday and I have stuck with it, which I am proud of I might add. Though it has only been a few days, I don't even usually make it this far. I see every day that I have made it is one more day it gets easier to do the point counting. I've already lost a couple of pounds in the last few days. I'm hoping to have lost about 60 pounds by Judd's 1st birthday.

In other news: the boys are doing great. Judd is growing like a weed, Raymond is suffering from allergies and a rash but doesn't notice and keeps his positive attitude, and Owen only has two more weeks of preschool left and is already outgrowing in length his pants from this winter. That kid is going to be so tall! Tony is doing well too, he enjoys his job and is in a very good mood because he loves "grilling season", and it is upon us!